Funniest Text Messages

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Funniest Statuses

Position of husband is like a split A.C.
No matter how loud he is outside,
but inside the house,
he is designed to remain
silent, cool & controlled by remote.




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Q: What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
A: Outlaws are wanted.




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Imagine I am in jail
what you think that
what crime I had done"
Reply must. . .




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20% of the population is now drinking coffee, 60% is having sex, 19% is watching television and one yokel is now holding his mobile in his hand



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Never KISS a lady police,
She will say, hands up.
.
Never KISS a lady doctor,
She will say, Next please
... .
.
.
Always KISS a school teacher
and she will say repeat it
5 TIMES DAILY!




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Wo Exam Mein Betha Dosto'n K Muunh Hi Dekhta Reh Gaya

"Faraz"

Kyun K Usne Khud Hee Kaha Tha K
"Mujh Per 1 Ehsan Karna, K Mujh Per Koi Ehsan Na Karna"




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Once a teacher taught his student: If man work hard, he becomes what he wants!!
Little sardar said: But sir, my father says you can never achieve your goal.
Teacher: What is your goal in life??
Sardar: I want to become a Lady Doctor….




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Tum chand say khoobsoorat ho sitaron se poch lo,
Tum phoolon sy khobsoorat ho baharon se poch lo,
Tum Aishwariya sy bhe KhoobSoorat ho,

Pathanon se poch lo.



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Husband & wife are like liver and kidney.
Husband is liver & wife is kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails.
If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney




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Snow in the forecast! The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, fat chance with a face like that!



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A man was run over by a lorry outside of my house this morning, I thought 'sh!t, that could have been me' but then I can't drive a lorry....



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Girl's status on Face Book:-

"Iam so sad:("
(35 likes,198 comments)

Boy's status:

"I am going 2 committ sucide ;-("
(2 likes, n 1 comment)
Dekh le yar.
Ho sake to na kar



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2 Guys Were Following 2 Girls
Both Girls Took Rakhi & Tied To Their Hands.
1st Guy To Second Guy- What Will We Do Now?
2nd Guy YOU Marry My Sis, I Will Marry your Sis




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When you develop the ability to listen any thing without
losing your temper or self confidence And when you always behave like
a "Deaf" then it means that you are ready to become
.
.
.
.
.
.
A Good Daughter in Law ( Bahoo )




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What is similarity between Bill Gates & me?
Don't know??
He never comes to my house
& I never go to his house

EGO PROBLEMS YOU KNOW ....




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Dream makes everything possible, Hope makes everything work,
Luv makes everything beautiful, Smile makes all the above...
So always Brush ur Teeth




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Who said English is easy???
Fill in da blank with YES or No ....
1.—–I dont have brain ....
2.—–I dont have sence ....
3.—–I am stupid .... .




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He came to me last night
explored my whole body
licked it
sucked it
swallowed it
when satisfied he left...
I was hurt...
Its MOSQUItOOOOO.
You Dirty Mind.




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Q: What is the similirity
between SEX & SHOPPING?

A: MAN can not hold both
for more than 5 minutes.




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Biwi ne bade pyar se pati ke.
Gale me bahein dali aur poocha.
Kaise Lag rahin hu ji?.

Pati : Jaise Bhagwan Shankar ke gale me naagin lipti ho.




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to live a life, one needs brains, reflex, perception.
looks, IQ, knowledge, way of expression & many more mental qualities.
Hats off to you because you manage to live without them.




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SILENCE
Is the best Answer
for all questions

SMILE
Is the best Reaction
in all situations

Unfortunately

BOTH Never Help In
any EXAM, VIVA, REVIEW & INTERVIEW




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1 Nursery CLASS Ka Bacha Bola
Mam Main Aap Ko Kaisa Lagta Hun?

Mam- SO SWEET

BACHA Apni Side Ke Larke Se Bola-Dekha
Maine Kaha Tha Na
Line Marti Hai..




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Newton's law of load shedding:

"the rate of load shedding is
directly propotional to the
temperature of atmosphere
provided that the role of
WAPDA remains constant".




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What's common between the sun & women's underwear?
a) Both are hot
b) Both look better while going down
c) Both disappear by night.




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Dunya K 5 Mushkil taren Kam
1-Hathi Ko dhakka lagana
2-Machar Ki malish karna
3-Chiunti ko kiss karna
4-Zarafey Ki gardun dabana
5-Ap Sa SmS ki tawaqa rakhna.




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Biwi(gusse me):tumarey dimag me to sirf gobar bhara ha
.
Pati(pyar se): to phir itni der se kun kha rahi ho.




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Do you ever notice that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot,
& anyone driving faster than you is a maniac?'




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Son asks difference between Confidence & Confidential
Dad tells, you are my son I'm Confident.
your frnd is too my son, that's Confidential





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God saw your parents hungry, he created meal
God saw they are thirsty, he created coke

He saw them walking, he created car
He saw them without problems, he created you.



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Someday you may lose your hair.
you may lose your teeth- your money & even lose your mind.

But one thing you will never loose is your good looks.
because you cant lose what you don't have!




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At the time of RUKHSTI.
Dulhay kay Cell par phone aya
Ringtone was:
Dil Me Chupa Kay Arman Lay Chale
Hum Aaj Apni Maut Ka Samaan Lay chale




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I'm so sorry for not telling you this before. You ought to know how smart, cute, witty, sweet, charming, alluring and wonderful you are!... I didn't know I've influenced you that much!



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I STUMBLEUPON her @ the library. She FLICKRs me a smile. I DIGG her FACE; BOOK in her hand I've REDDIT b4. We talk& TWITTER, LINKEDIN arms, we go back2 MYSPACE.



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In a party a handsome guy asked a girl "are you going to dance?" She felt so happy & said-"yes" & the guy said-"that's good, so can i have your chair?:-D



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Be nice to the ones who smoke.. every cigarette might be their last. Types Of Proposals: 1. I Love U 2. I Want To Spend My Rest Of Life Wid U. 3. Will U Marry Me ? ... . But The Latest And Favorite One Now.. . . . . Wanna B My Chammak Challo..?? ;) :D



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A B0y L0ved A Girl But Never Pr0p0sed Her. 0ne Day He Decided T0 Tell Her At 1:00 Am At Night. He Type: "I L0VE Y0u" And Sent !T, After A Few Sec0nds He G0t A Msg But He Dec!Ded T0 See It The Next Day F0r Surprise And Slept. Next Day, He Read The Msg And Becme S0 Sh0kd Bcoz !T Was Wr!Tten: Dear Cust0mer, Msg Sndng Failed Due T0 Insuficient Balnce. Please Recharge Ur Acc0unt :-D



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