Funny Sayings

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Funny Sayings

Admit it, you listen to other strangers conversations and mentally give your opinion.



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Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water After you get used to it, it ainít so hot.



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Feel free to use anything, except my spouse & my toothbrush...I mean it about the toothbrush.



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I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbor said ĎAre you going to help?' I said, ĎNo, Six should be enough.



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Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.



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Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.



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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.



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Lawyers are men whom we hire to protect us from lawyers.



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Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.



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The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.



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It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.



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Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.



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A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted. Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.


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Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-o to a tree.


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The appropriate age for marriage is around eighteen for girls and thirty-seven for men.


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Like its politicians and its war, society has the teenagers it deserves.


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A fine is a tax for doing wrong.A tax is a fine for doing well.


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He who laughs last thinks slowest.


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Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.


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Always laugh when you can.It is cheapest medicine.


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Laughter is the shock absorber that eases the blows of life.


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The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public.


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you can't have everything....where would you put it?


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I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot..


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Men, chocolate, and coffee are all better rich.


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A painter paints pictures on canvas. But musicians paint their pictures on silence.


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Life becomes useless and insipid when we have no longer either friends or enemies.


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In order to get the handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of toads.


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I either Get what I want or I change my mind.


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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.


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Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.


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If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.


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It may be your sole purpose in life to serve as a warning to others.


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There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.


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Why do psychics have to ask for your name?


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An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good!'


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Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage.


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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.


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"Those not present are always incorrect."


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There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.


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Why do we need Algebra? Finding X is only useful if you're a pirate.


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Teacher: why are you talking during my lesson? Student: why are you teaching during my conversation?


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Some people hate tomatoes but like ketchup?


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