Funny Quotes Phrases

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Funny Quotes Phrases

Caution, Blind Man Driving.

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If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

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Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

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I never criticize referees and I�m not going to change a habit for that part.

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Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film!

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If at first you don't succeed, cheat, repeat until caught, and then lie.

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Consciousness- that annoying time between naps.

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It takes 42 muscels to smile, so instead pick up your middle finger and say bite me in a bitchy tone!

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Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

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I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...

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Laughter is the shock absorber that eases the blows of life.

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Borrow money from pessimists they don't expect it back.

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Thank you for not annoying me more than you do.

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Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.

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Procrastinate now, don't put it off.

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Always laugh when you can.It is cheapest medicine.

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Thank you for not annoying me more than you do.

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Love is like a booger.You keep picking at it until you get it then wonder what to do with it.

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Crazy is a relative term in my family.

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Brigands demand your money or your life women require both.

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It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

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Men chocolate and coffee are all better rich.

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I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.

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By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

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A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.

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I never criticise referees and i'm not going to change a habit for that prat..

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Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film!

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Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage..

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All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand..

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A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on..

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When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane..

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What will you do when you leave football, Jack, will you stay in football..

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A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking..

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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

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"Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. "

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A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.

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Someday your prince charming will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

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You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

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Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious..

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