Funny Poems - Short Funny Poems on Love and Birthday for Friend

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Funny Poems



It's OK to tell a secret
to a dolphin or a seal,
but a pig cannot be trusted,
for a pig will always squeal!




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My turn signal wasn't working,
So I asked for help from a friend.
Stand behind the car, I said.
Let's get this problem to end.
When I turn the signal on,
If it's working, let me know.
I hit the blinker and then I heard:
Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes! No!




***************



I slide myself into you,
so soft so warm,

I feel your tongue upon my skin.
keeping me from harm.

I feel so lucky, love at first site.
I tried to restrain myself.

when I saw you on that night.
we mesh so well.




***************



The sunrise from the west.
give us lights.
The lights overhead.
the sun shine.
Shine over our head.
make us tan.
Then burn us dead.




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As soon as Fred gets out of bed.
His underwear goes on his head.

His mother laughs "Don't put it there,
A head's no place for underwear!".

But near his ears, above his brains,
Is where Fred's underwear remains.

At night when Fred goes back to bed,
He deftly plucks it off his head.

His mother switches off the light.
And softly croons,"Good night! Good night!"




***************



Run chicken run.
The farmers got the gun.

The wife has the oven hot.
And your the one.

So run and run.
So you dont get served with a bun.




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What's going on? My brother Barry asked of me
"Stick up your head, and tell us what you see
We'd built a fort of old "Tea Chest's" and sod
To fight a "Clod" war with the "Belchambers" mob



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This sorry tale of how good health can lead a man to strife
Was told by one who'd never had a crook day in his life.
Not since he was a nipper had old George been taken ill.
Avoiding plague like maladies had taken quite some skill.



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Rattlesnake stew
centipede salad
seaweed and jellyfish sandwich
milk mixed with glue
a-chooberry pie
I hope the old bat doesn't die!



***********


Smiling is infectious you can catch it like the flu
when someone smiled at me I started smiling too
when I passed the corner someone saw my grin
when he smiled I realized I passed it onto him



***********


I show respect for the bus driver by
I show respect for my teacher by
I show respect for the cafeteria monitor by
I show respect for my fellow students by
I show respect for the janitor by
and so on.


***********


Mixed signals flowing left and right
Unsaid feelings always locked up tight
Confusion now running high
Will anything happen between you and I?
Your broken heart reveals nothing
And as always I am left wondering what it all means
But it's time for us to come clean
My heart can't take more indecision.



***********


The sun is like your face
but its not a disgrace
so many people look up to it
and then they change their ways



***********


Have you heard of sweet tooth Andy?
Makes his bed with sugar candy.
And it never fails by dawn
all of Andy's bed is gone.



***********


I feel like a clown
thats why I'm so down
this is not any fun
because you weigh a ton.
I do not like you
because you are a piece of poo.



***********


I'm writing you this new love letter
and then I'll post it to your door
So you can understand my love much better
and see you're the one that I adore



***********


I know how it is to need money
As much as I can get
My teenager goes to the mall
And I go into debt.



***********


It's funny how hello iz always finished with goodbye
it's funny how good memories can make u cry
it's funny how forever never seems to last
it's funny how much u would lose if u forgot about ur past.



***********


The orchestra's mid-rehearsal
And I'm dying for a pee
But, although I'm holding up my hand
I can't make the teacher see
I clash the cymbals, bang the drum
But he doesn't hear my plea
If I have a tinkle on the piano
Then he's sure to notice me.



***********


Mr Camel and Miss Dromedary were married
And in time a baby was due.
Said Mrs Camel to her beloved
'Would you prefer one hump or two?'



***********


AMBITION cannot find him
Affection doesn't know
How many leagues of Nowhere
Lie between them now.
Yesterday undistinguished
Eminent today,
For our mutual honor
Immortality



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Said Hamlet to Ophelia,
I'll draw a sketch of thee,
What kind of pencil shall I use?
2B or not 2B?


***********


Some dinosaurs had tiny brains
no larger than a pea.
When my teacher read that
it reminded her of me



***********


The worlds shortest poem is not shorter then this :)


***********





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